Malibu's Most Wanted
by LiteraryLullaby
Summary: Miley and Oliver spend a weekend in jail. Oh boy, this could get a bit crazy! Moliver.


**AHHH! Did I scare you? No? Good, because I wasn't trying to. LOL. Okay, so I said I'd put my oneshots up, so here's one. I hope you enjoy.**

**P.S. I'm pretty sure there is no such place as Wonnetka, Utah. But just pretend there is. And if there is a Wonnetka, Utah, please tell me. I'll be amazed. Because I'm pretty sure I just made it up.**

**Disclaimer: If I said I owned Hannah Montana would you actually believe me? Most likely not. But you know what? Maybe I do! Haha, you know I don't.**

"This is jail, Oliver. _Jail_."

Oliver sighed. Even though he was head over heals for his best friend, Miley, her constant nagging was extremely annoying.

"I know." He answered. They were currently sitting in the waiting area of the Wonnetka Police Station, waiting for the officer who'd taken them there in the first place.

"I mean, it'll go on my permanent record. _Permanent_. When I apply for college, they'll see that I was arrested and not accept me! Then I'll be stuck being a homeless hobo who lives on the streets!" Miley yelled.

"Aren't all hobos homeless?" Oliver asked. Miley groaned.

"Oliver, that's besides the point. Do you understand where we are? We're in jail. J-A-I-L. _Jail_." Miley spelled, looking him straight in the eyes.

"I'm well aware of how to spell the word jail, Miley. Besides, we're not in jail yet. Maybe when the police officer comes back he'll release us." Oliver suggested, trying to be optimistic. Suddenly the door opened. The overweight police officer who'd taken them there walked out, seeming overly tired.

"Alright, kids. Your punishment is a two day sentence. Bail is 500. You'll be sharing a jail cell, seeing that we only have two. And I doubt either of you want to be bunking with Mary deClair." The officer explained in a monotone voice, as if he sentenced teenagers to jail every day.

"Who's Mary deClair?" Oliver asked. Maybe she wouldn't be so bad.

"A theif. Arrested for breaking and entering, battery, and the unlawful killing of an alpalca. She's in here until death." The officer recited, as if he was reading the exact police report.

He motioned for Miley and Oliver to get up. He led them into a dark hallway, lighted only by a single lightbulb hanging from the ceiling. He opened a thick metal door. Inside were two cells.

At one a straggly young woman had her hands hanging out from the bars. Her copper hair was assorted in all types of knots. Her skin was pale, most likely from the lack of sun the cell offered. She was wearing an orange jumpsuit, like the criminals on TV wore. Her eyes were a dull gray, and her nose came to a sharp point.

"Hiya, Jerry. It's nice to see ya. Who ya got here?" The woman asked. Her voice was scratchy, as if someone had rubbed it with sandpaper.

"Two teenage delinquents. And you'll be sure to have nothing to do with them. If I catch you talking with these youngsters, I'd be taking you off to the solitary confinement cell. You got that?" The police officer threatened. Oliver wondered why they had a solitary confinement cell, yet only had two regular cells.

"Aw, Jerry, you know me. I never was one to follow any rules dey gots for me. Hiya, kids. Da name's Mary." The woman smiled, holding out her hand to shake. Oliver shuddered at her teeth, they were yellow.

"Hi." He said quietly. The police officer, apparently named Jerry, opened the other cell door and pushed the two inside.

"There's a bunk bed, a toilet, and a sink. All your basic neccesities. And if you need some fresh air, there's a nice barred window on the wall." Jerry smiled, pointing to a small circle with thick vertical black bars on it.

"Thank you, sir. It's very, uh, _quaint_." Miley smiled. Jerry rolled his eyes and locked them in. He left through the door they came through.

"So, why are you's all in here?" Mary asked. Oliver didn't know how much of her bad grammar and inability to pronounce "th" he could take.

"Oliver, here, decided that he just _had _to run out to the store, don't ask me why. He was in such a rush that he decided that speeding was necessary. When the cop car began chasing us, he decided that it'd be best to outrun it. Bad idea." Miley explained, trying to hide her distaste in the woman's appearance.

"Ah, I see. You's two got a chance of gettin' outta here? Lucky." Mary smiled, once again showing her grotesque teeth.

"I guess." Oliver mumbled.

"You guess? Trust me, it's better dan bein' stuck in dis dump for da rest of your life. Who knew Utah had such harsh laws about the killings of alpalcas?" Mary grimaced. She was silent for a moment, then broke out into a shrill cackle.

"So, um, why exactly did you kill the alpalca?" Oliver asked. Mary stopped laughing and looked at him seriously.

"Da ting looked at me funny. If dere's one ting to know, it's dat you don't look at Mary deClair funny." She growled. Oliver backed up.

"Oh. Why exactly were you near an alpalca anyway?" Miley asked. Mary looked at her.

"I was stealin' some farmer's stuffs. He had a whole bunch of 'em alpalcas. And so when I killed it, the popo came and took me away for stealing the farmer's stuffs, beatin' 'im up, and killin' his apalca." Mary explained. Miley nodded silently. Oliver could tell that she was terrified. He walked over to her and placed a comforting hand on her back.

"You're lucky, ya know. To have such a loyal boyfriend. I once dated dis guy named Paulie. He was so nice." Mary smiled. Oliver and Miley tried to explain that they weren't going out, but Mary just kept going on and on. She didn't even notice the door open.

"Hey! I said no talking to the kids! That's it, Mary. You get solitary." Jerry sighed. He opened up her cell door and led her through a door at the other end of the hallway. Right before they walked through, Mary turned around and winked at them. A few moments later, Jerry came back.

"Well what I came to say is that you each get one phone call. Do you have any family?" He asked.

"Well, Oliver's family, my family, and Lilly, our other best friend's, family were all up here camping with us. I'm guessing that they're still at the cabin we're staying in." Miley explained. Oliver nodded, attempting to give as much back up as he could.

"Well, let's hope they have phone service. Because unless you two can pay the 500 bail, you'll be spending the weekend in this cell here." Jerry warned. He opened up the door and led them back to the waiting area. There was a payphone. He handed both Oliver and Miley a quarter. Miley walked up to the phone and inserted her coin.

"Daddy? It's Miley. Um, Oliver and I are in jail, don't ask why. But we need someone to pay our bail so we can get out. I know that you probably don't have cell phone service up there, so you probably won't get this message until we get home. So, um, please don't be mad." Miley said into the phone. Oliver figured that her dad hadn't picked up, as was expected. Miley moved away and Oliver deposited his coin, dialing in his mother's cell phone number.

_This person is currently unavailable. Please leave a message after the beat. Beeeep._

"Hi, mom. It's Oliver. Well, you know how you said that now that you're a detective, you never wanted to deal with another police officer again? Funny story about that. Me and Miley, we're kind of in jail. So, uh, please come pay our bail. And don't kill me either. Okay, bye." Oliver hung up the phone. Jerry sighed and led them back to their cell. Once they were inside, he locked them back in.

"I get top bunk!" Oliver called, as if it were a sleepover.

"Be my guest." Miley mumbled. Oliver smiled and climbed onto his bunk. Miley sat on a bench that was at the other end of the cell.

"Come on, Miles. It won't be so bad!" Oliver reassured her. Miley rolled her eyes.

"Oliver, next time you have a strange craving for peanut butter, don't make me go with you to get it!" Miley requested. Oliver looked down silently.

"I'm really sorry, Miley." He whispered.

"I know, Oliver. And I forgive you. I just really don't like being in jail. I mean, everyone is probably freaking out because they can't find us. And my dad's already lost my mom, I don't want to make him think he might of lost his daughter too." Miley explained, saying the last part so softly that Oliver almost didn't hear. He climbed down from his bed and sat next to her, putting an arm aound her shoulders.

"Don't worry. We'll make it through. And remember, everybody has those days and _everybody _makes mistakes. If you're not doing to well, why be so hard on yourself?" Oliver smiled. Miley looked at him with a mixture of amusement and gratitude.

"Oliver, next time you want to give me advice, make sure it's not from one of my _own_ songs!" Miley laughed. Oliver felt the blood rush to his face.

"Okay, so maybe I'm not so good at advice. But maybe you should listen to your songs for once. If you tell kids that, yet don't believe it, doesn't it kind of make you a bit hypocritical?" Oliver asked. Miley's mouth fell open.

"Did you just call me a _hypocrite_?" She asked furiously. Oliver's eyes widened at his words sunk in.

"No! I mean, technically I did, but I didn't mean to!" He answered, frantically waving his hands in front of him. Miley began advancing on him.

"You didn't _mean _to? Of course you _meant _to! If you didn't then you wouldn't of said it!" Miley yelled, poking him roughly in the shoulder. And to be honest, it hurt.

"But that's the thing! Tons of the stuff I say I don't mean!" He defended himself.

"Oh, so now you're saying that you _lie_ to me all the time?" Miley asked in an accusing tone, jabbing him once again in the shoulder. Oliver mentally slapped himself.

"No! Just some of it!" He answered. Miley's glare grew even more menacing.

"Oliver Oscar Oken you are an cruel, rude, unkind _pig_. And you are…totally right about me!" Miley suddenly cried, her anger quickly changing to sadness. She sat back down on the bench with her head in her hands.

Oliver stared at her dumbstruck. He didn't really know what to do. He hated seeing her so sad, but yet he was afraid that she'd start yelling again if he tried to comfort her. He eventually decided on going over to her and placing a hand on her back.

"I honestly didn't mean it. I didn't mean to say hypocritical. I meant to say that you were, um, not listening to your own advice. You know?" He comforted her. She kept crying.

"I know, but you're still right! I give advice that I don't even believe! What does that make me? Because I think that hypocrite fits perfectly!" She cried. Oliver hugged her. After a few moments she removed her hands from her face and wrapped them around him.

"No, it doesn't. And your songs give great advice. For example, don't let a small frustration ever bring you down. Why be sad and broken hearted when there's so much to do?" Oliver smiled. Miley began laughing.

"You always know how to cheer me up, Oliver." She smiled, pulling away from him. Oliver looked straight in her eyes. His heart began pounding hard against his rib cage.

"You have really pretty eyes." He announced. His eyes immediately widened as he realized that he'd said that out loud.

"Wh-what?" Miley asked.

"Um, never mind." Oliver quickly said. He jumped up and ran to his bed, lying down with the thin blanket on top of him.

"What are you doing?" Miley asked.

"Sleeping." Oliver answered. He got no response, but he heard Miley climb into the bed beneath him. He changed his position on the thin mattress. This was going to be a long night.

HMHMHM

Oliver awoke to the sound of teeth chattering. He looked around the cell. It was still dark out, and the noise was coming from beneath him. He looked down and saw Miley with her eyes wide open, her teeth chattering from the cold.

"Are you okay?" He asked. Her eyes darted to him.

"N-no. It's so cold in h-here. I can't s-sleep." She answered. Oliver got down from his bunk and put his blanket over Miley's.

"There, now you'll be warmer." He smiled.

"Th-thanks. But won't you be c-cold?" Miley asked. Oliver thought for a moment. It was very chilly at the moment, and he'd probably not sleep very well.

"Most likely. But at least you'll be warm. You are warm, right?" Oliver asked. Miley sighed sadly.

"N-not really." She answered. Oliver sighed and did the only thing he could think of doing. He climbed into her bunk with her and put the blankets on top of them. Her back was on his chest, and he wrapped his arms around her midsection.

"Wh-what are you doing?" Miley asked. Oliver couldn't tell whether or not she was stuttering because of the cold or out of surprise.

"This way, our body heat will keep each other warm." Oliver explained. Miley nodded slowly and nestled herself into him. Oliver put his head down and inconspicuously buried it in her hair. It smelled like strawberry, which he loved.

"Your hair smells really good." He noted. He squeezed his eyes shut in embarassment. First the thing about her eyes, and now her hair.

"You really think so?" Miley asked softly. Oliver was surprised that she wasn't questioning it this time.

"Yeah." Oliver admitted before drifting off to sleep.

The next morning, Oliver woke up to see Miley's face just inches from his. She must of turned in her sleep. He tried to figure a way that he could get up without waking her, but that was impossible, seeing that her arms were wrapped around him.

Miley began slowly opening her eyes. When she saw him, she let out a startled scream. This made Oliver jump, causing him to hit his head on the top bunk. He put a hand up to his head.

"Ow, that hurt." He said, rubbing the spot he'd hit. Miley's face was bright red.

"Sorry! I just got kind of scared. I'm not used to waking up and finding someone's face so close to mine. I screamed out of reflex!" Miley apologized. Oliver began laughing.

"It's okay, I'm fine. Nothing like a little jolt to wake you up!" He joked. Miley laughed too.

"So, um, thanks for last night. If you hadn't, um, you know, I wouldn't of gotten any sleep." Miley smiled. Oliver nodded. Miley kept saying something else, but he couldn't pay attention. He just kept staring at her and thinking about how beautiful she was.

"How come you're so beautiful?" Oliver asked. He wanted to smack himself. He kept doing that.

"What?" Miley asked. He'd probably interrupted her midsentence.

"Um, just forget it." He insisted. Miley nodded, then suddenly looked up at him.

"What's with you?" She asked.

"What do you mean?" Oliver questioned, even though he was pretty sure what she was talking about.

"I mean, that's the third time you've just randomly complimented me. And then you always said 'never mind' or 'just forget it'. Are you trying to mess with my head or something?" Miley asked accusingly. Oliver didn't really know what to say.

"No! It's just that I have this thing where I tend to say what I'm thinking by accident! It's a habit that I really need to stop!" He complained. Miley's eyebrows rose.

"So you really think those things about me?" She asked. She seemed curious and a bit…hopeful?

"Well, uh, yeah. That and, um, a lot more." He answered, his face growing hot.

"What else do you think about me?" She asked. Oliver wanted to just keep his mouth shut, but for some reason his mouth wasn't getting the message from his brain.

"I think about the stuff that I love about you." He blurted. Where had that come from? It was true, but he never expected to actually say it to anyone. Let alone her.

"Oh. Well, what do you love about me?" Miley asked. Oliver really wished that she'd stop asking questions like that. For some reason the part of his brain that allowed him to lie was broken.

"I love how your hair always smells like strawberries, no matter what. And I love how your eyes sparkle when you talk about certain things. And I also love how your voice sounds when you sing. I love how you have this cute way of scrunching up your nose when you think. I also love your accent. And I love how you never seem to give up." Oliver admitted. Miley's eyebrows rose even higher.

"Is that all?" She asked. Oliver wondered how he could fix the part of his brain that allowed lies. What was it called? The lie membrane? That sounded like a good name. Well, what ever it was, it needed to be fixed.

"No, not even close." He laughed nervously. It seemed like his mouth had a mind of it's own, and that all he could do was just sit and watch as it confessed his secrets to Miley.

"Tell me more." She demanded. He thought he saw tears forming in her eyes, but he ignored it. If his mouth was going to tell Miley everything, he might as well stop disagreeing with it.

"I love how you always use sarcasm. And I love how you care about your family more than anything else. I love how you nag me about the stupidest things. I also love how your such a girl about everything, even though I say I hate it. And I hate—" Oliver stopped himself from going on. He didn't want to move on to that subject.

"What do you hate about me?" Miley asked, her evident tears shaking her voice. Oliver looked at the ground for a few moments, then back up at Miley.

"I hate how you think you're so much less than you actually are. You're the most amazing person I've ever met, yet you always seem to think that you're terrible. I hate when you cry over things I say, because it breaks my heart every time. I hate that you have to doubt me when I compliment you." Oliver stopped and considered his next words carefully.

"And most of all, I hate that you're not in love with me like I am with you." He confessed. Tears had been falling down Miley's face, but now she actually emitted a sob. Her tears began falling even faster.

"I'm sorry, Miles. I mean, I shouldn't of just dumped that all on you. Now our friendship will be ruined and it'll all be awkward for us!" Oliver groaned, sitting down on the bench. He felt Miley sit next to him.

"Oliver." Miley said. He could tell that she was still crying. He didn't answer in fear of what she would say. He knew she didn't love him back, but hearing her actually reject him would break him apart.

"Oliver, look at me." Miley commanded. When he didn't, he felt her hands turn his face to her. She was still crying, but she looked a bit happy.

"What?" He asked nervously. Miley smiled. The next thing he knew, her lips were on his. He immediately responded. He snaked his arms around her waist and felt her hands find their way around his neck.

Oliver felt his heart flipping. The sensation of her lips moving on his was more than he'd ever expected or imagined. He deepened the kiss, but they soon had to separate from the need for oxygen.

"Oliver, take that last thing off of your list of things you hate about me. Because it's not true." Miley whispered. Oliver nodded, then kissed her again.

"I…um…I, uh, sorta love you, Miley." Oliver admitted sheepishly. Miley smiled and kissed him again.

"I love you, too." She confessed. They leaned in to kiss again, but were interrupted by the sound of the door opening. They jumped away from each other, only to see Jerry walk through the door.

"I have to take you two into my office for you to answer some questions." He told them. He opened their cell door, allowing them out. They followed him down the hallway. Oliver grabbed Miley's hand in a secret sign of affection.

They walked into Jerry's office. It was very small. His desk had a stack of disorganized papers on it. On the walls were pictures of his family, certificates from a police academy, and even his college degree in law.

"Okay, so you two need to give me some basic information. Firstly, I need to know your parent's names and occupations." He informed them, taking out a pen and a slip of paper.

"My mom is Louise Oken and she's a detective for the Malibu Local Police Department. My dad is Greg Oken, and he's an insurance worker." Oliver explained. Jerry wrote it down, then turned to Miley.

"My dad's name is Robby Ray Stewart and he used to be a country singer. Now he manages and writes songs for some famous people." Miley told him, not specifying who exactly he wrote for. Jerry wrote it down, then looked at her again.

"And your mom?" He asked. Miley's grip on Oliver's hand tightened, and he squeezed hers in reassurance.

"She passed away about five years ago." She explained, hiding her emotions. Her grip on his hand grew even tighter. Miley didn't like talking about her mom, but when she did it made her very sad.

"I see. Where do you two go to school?" Jerry asked. Oliver looked at Miley, who kept staring straight forward.

"We're both juniors at Seaview High, which is in Malibu." He answered for both of them. Jerry jotted this down.

"And what were you two doing in Wonnetka, Utah?" He asked.

"My family, Miley's family, and the family of our other friend are all staying in a big cabin at Lake Tomahaki." He informed the overwieght officer.

"And why were you speeding?" Jerry asked, looked at the both of them. Miley stopped staring into space and looked at Oliver.

"I wanted, um, well I had a craving for peanut butter and we didn't have any." He admitted timidly. Jerry laughed lightly, then wrote down what Oliver said.

"So why didn't you just pull over and deal with a ticket?" Jerry questioned. Oliver looked at Miley for help.

"Oliver is really bad under pressure. He kind of panicked and started saying how if he got a ticket his mom would ground him for the rest of his life. I think he was having a nervous breakdown." Miley asnwered for him. Jerry wrote it down.

"Okay, one last question. What is your relationship with each other?" He asked. Miley opened her mouth to speak, but nothing came out.

"Well, when we were put in jail we were best friends. But, um, we're kind of dating now." Oliver confessed. Jerry's eyes widened.

"Are you meaning to tell me that you two got together in a _jail cell_?" He asked incredulously. Miley nodded.

"It's not the most romantic setting, but still." Oliver smiled slightly. Jerry wrote it down.

"Okay, then. I guess I can take you back to your cell. You only have today and tomorrow left, then you're free to go." Jerry smiled. Oliver got the feeling that he didn't like keeping them cooped up in that cell. Suddenly, a rapid bell rang through the room.

"What's that?" Miley asked. It sounded like a bicycle bell, but it was being rung much faster.

"That's the bell at the front desk. Stay here, I'll see what our disruptor wants." Jerry smiled, getting up and leaving the room. Miley and Oliver tiptoed to the door and looked through the crack.

They could see Jerry walk up to someone, but they couldn't see who it was that he was talking to.

"Can I help you, sir?" Jerry asked. Oliver noticed that when he talked to people he didn't know, he used a monotone voice. He wondered if he picked up women like that.

"Officer, you have to help me! My daughter and her best friend left our cabin yesterday afternoon, and they haven't come back! I can't find them anywhere!" The man yelled frantically. Miley's eyes went wide and she ran out of the door.

"Daddy!" She yelled, running up to her father and hugging him. Oliver ran out after her.

"Miley?" Mr. Stewart asked. He smiled and hugged her tightly. When he let go of her, he looked at Oliver, who gave him a small wave.

"Sir, is this your daughter?" Jerry asked, abandoning his monotone. Mr. Stewart nodded, smiling widely.

"Yeah! How'd you find her? We looked everywhere! Did she and Oliver get lost or something?" He asked, still smiling big.

"No, sir. They got arrested." Jerry explained. Mr. Stewart's smile fell.

"You got what?" He yelled. Miley stepped back and ran over to Oliver, who was a bit scared of Mr. Stewart.

"Daddy, it's not that big of a deal!" Miley pleaded. She grabbed Oliver's hand. Oliver knew that if there was one thing Miley couldn't stand, it was seeing her father angry at her.

"Not a big deal? Miley this is jail!" He yelled. Miley nodded and tightened her grip on Oliver's hand.'

"Sir, just listen. They were speeding and they tried to outrun me, yes. But it only happened because the boy here had a nervous breakdown. As I've deduced from the information they've given me, this boy's mother used to be a police officer. He's seen how harsh they can get, and the fact of being in trouble with one scared him to death. It's not at all his fault." Jerry explained. Mr. Stewart nodded.

"Okay, so can I take them home?" He asked.

"I'm sorry, sir, but their bail is 500. Unless you can pay it, they're gonna have to stay here until Sunday night." Jerry sighed. Mr. Stewart groaned and took out his wallet. He handed Jerry a few bills.

"Thank you, sir. They're free to go." Jerry smiled. He left the desk for a moment, then came back with the belongings he'd taken away, things like Miley's cell phone and Oliver's car keys.

"No, sir. Thank _you_." Mr. Stewart smiled, leading Miley and Oliver out of the police station.

"Um, daddy? I guess now would be a bad time to tell you that Oliver and I are dating." Miley whispered, taking Oliver's hand again.

"You're _what_?!"

**A bit cheesy, but I don't care. I like cheese. Cheese is my lifeline. That's right, I live off of cheese. Unlike my sister, who is lactose intolerant. Because of that, we have like two of everything. Two kinds of milk, two kinds of butter, two types if ice cream, and even two types of cheese! That's right! She actually eats lactose free cheese!**

**So, for those of you who are allergic to cheese, I'll have you know that the cheese in this chapter is in fact lactose free. HA! But was it really that cheesy? Do you really care? LOL.**

**Idk, just review please. I might cry if you don't. If this oneshot gets less than...7 reviews I'll be super sad. So if you are reading this right now and see that there's only six reviews, just write one to make my day!**

**Please, out of the goodness of your heart. By the way, did I mention that white arrows look absolutely _fabulous _on purple review buttons? I think you get the point. LOL.**


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